But I keep finding out that people go out of their way to say something negative about me. The way I find out is through my boss. My boss then addresses it with me.
Today I found out a former manager who worked here for only two months on our team told my boss that I was on my phone all day and taking call after call. I know what day this was because she even mentioned the topic I was talking about (i.e., I was getting a lumber quote for a personal project; call lasted maybe two minutes). That was the ONLY call I took that day, and I hate being on my phone during. So that was not true either.
Another person "told" on me, saying that I'm in the bathroom too much and that I they saw me on FaceTime. I have only taken one impromptu FaceTime call in 3+ years working here. I guess that's all it took.
Another Director gave me a slide deck to make into a training course. I am not going to give myself the discretion to change their content since they are the subject matter experts. So I make the training, and this director goes to talk to my boss about me, literally yelling, "Why would he turn in something with so many duplicitous sections." I was only basing the content off of what the Director gave me and was happy to change it at their request during the feedback phase. No, instead, I was immediately portrayed in a negative light.
What's crazy is that all the people that have gone out of their way to talk bad about me, are people that I have been relatively close to at work. When I had my second born, one of them referred to herself as the "corporate grandma" to my newborn. The other one gives me hugs when she hasn't seen my in a while. Another person that talked bad about me was my childhood friend.
They have talked bad about other colleagues in front of me and this made me learn a valuable lesson: those who talk bad about others to you, will talk bad about you to others.
I walked out of my one-on-one today with a heavy heart wondering how people could be this way. I'm trying to think of what I did to these people and I can objectively say that I have gone out of my way to be a team player, considerate, kind, and always positive.
I know I shouldn't care what people think or say, but even I don't understand why this has affected me so much. I won't lose any sleep over it, but I did have to hold the tears back.
Literally, nobody is my friend here. It's crazy how disloyal everyone is. There's no humanity. There's very few real relationships where there is a true care for one another.
I don't know man, I think I'm done with corporate. I love my job, my field, the work I do. But I've gone through this one too many times for me to believe that eventually I will walk into an organization where everyone is rooting for each other. I get it that this is life; the real world. But I'm not okay with it. It feels degrading.
I feel so alone at work. I feel like my job is in jeopardy now because all these people are in our Chief's ears, and it makes me think about my wife and kids and it breaks me to think that my ability to provide for them can disappear from one day to the next.
I think I'm done man. I love construction. I think I may just get started on building that up.
It can seem untrue, but there are still lots of communities online and offline.
Also regarding “people in the US are friendly, people elsewhere are unfriendly” (which IMO is incorrect but users are being too harsh on you). Most people in the southern US are generally known for appearing friendly and extroverted, while most in Eastern Europe appear “cold” and introverted. It’s a culture thing. But there are people who pretend to be friendly while spreading rumors behind your back (as you’ve experienced) and not committing to anything; likewise, some cold people are very nice if you get to know them, and would immediately help anyone in need, they just don’t like smalltalk with strangers. “You can’t judge a book by its cover”: there are friendly and unfriendly people everywhere, look for those who demonstrate commitment (act friendly and help others in ways that require effort or don’t improve their appearance).
>It's kind of crazy when someone has an outlier experience and then tries to frame an entire country as being that way. I've experienced a lot of cultures, countries, and environments. The United States is KNOWN for being a friendly country of people who will talk to you and smile at you for "no reason" other than because Americans are friendly.
Go to many countries in Europe or even Russia, you'll experience the exact oppositive. If you smile at people or talk to a stranger, you will essentially be treated as if something is wrong with you.
Everyone knows this is true about the US. Your comment is clearly trying to portray the United States in a negative light with something that is entirely not true.
And then there's my experience: someone who has lived in the US for over 30+ years.
Troll or a weirdo.
There's a saying in Spanish that says, "Don't make firewood out of a fallen tree." You could learn a lot from that saying.
Maybe some will call me a troll or wierdo, but there's one thing I will never be: someone who makes firewood out of a fallen tree.
God bless you, as a person. I know we hide behind these screennames, but if I were standing in front of you, I would extend my hand and from the bottom of my heart, ask God to bless you, as a person, in real life.
I'm not perfect, so I can't blame you for addressing me as a troll. But I speak from the heart brother.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/quetiapine-oral...
Paragraph 1: Indicates to me an orientation toward extraverted feeling, or really, really unaware of other's actual attitudes/how their behaviors map to the inclinations of the deeper psyche.
Next 3 paragraphs; shocked@ the fact that when people are not face to face, a different side of them seems to manifest that they don't present to you face-to-face. If this hasn't occurred to you before, you probably haven't been paying attention, and should absolutely start doing so, right now. You also are not wrong in this observation, but not entirely right either.
Paragraph 4: Oooh. Ouch. Okay, Corporate faux pas on a couple levels. Sounds like a Director handed you something to do, if it's the FIRST time, it's often a test. Director gave you task. Take materials, make training course. Director probably knows there are errors. Expects you to do one of a few things. The part you didn't catch, is they were trying to measure a couple things. A) Were you willing to ask questions? B) Were you willing to take ownership and optimize? C) Would you correct something you could plainly see was wrong? You took the passive route of least resistance and most face saving (for that Director from your perspective) by just doing whatever you consider "making the training, you didn't specify, but I'm assuming maybe converting a slide deck to worksheets/pamphlets, etc. The formula, is Observe, Orient, Decide, Act.
You observed things were off. You oriented toward passivity/face saving. You denied yourself discretion, you turned the materials in with a minimum of actual care. You thought you were being helpful. This other Director obviously prioritized results over how he felt about it, so gave YOUR Director an earful. This is not uncommon. This is priority/optimization mismatch. Could totally be worked out in feedback stage. That requires people being adults. You were clearly not working with one.
Next five paragraphs; Congratulations, it's time for you to learn a lovely word; Enantidromia. Everyone, no exceptions, goes through it. The mask we wear in front of people is not the entire being. We're just trained by society to pretend that is the case. Eventually, ya get old enough and start to realize there's more going on there. You are there.
Last three paragraphs: Alright, see what you wrote there? That came from a part of you. That is the part calling out. It doesn't give a damn about what society thinks should be right for you. it wants you to be you. Everything there about building, and feeling done with corporate and two faced people? That's the part being denied authenticity. The part that blows, you being a family man, and all, is you can't just ignore it. If you do, you're gonna start falling apart. You fall apart, someone in the family is going to have to compensate, you don't want that, right? So you need to work with it now. That part of you is where the oomph comes from. So, take it from someone who has been there; do not try to medicate it away. Do not ignore it. Listen to it. Work with it. It's going to want you to do things you can't necessarily do right now. That's okay. It doesn't have to get exactly what it wants, but ya need to give it something. The more you do, the easier it'll get to find the energy to deal with the world, and the more life'll start to make sense, as that part of you you've clearly been ignoring, gets integrated into your mentation loop.
If you're going through what I think you are, congratulations. You've been handed the blueprint to not drive yourself crazy by someone else who very nearly did, because no one was there to help me out when I went through it. If you're just looking to waste time, which I really don't think you are from your post history. You're new. Not toxic, but definitely not "in" yet. If I'm wrong... Eh, I tried. Good luck waking up, and when ya do, give em all hell for me. I believe in ya.