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Ask HN: On autistic spectrum, best way to live?

9 points

2 hours ago

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I've been highly logical and obsessive with reading since early childhood, and I got into programming pretty early and built Flash animation since kindergarten. I've always had issues with my peers and teachers, I got bullied quite often, and it was a source of emotional distress. I felt the constant need to work on things that intrigues me, and I'd read books like encyclopedia, I didn't know that then, but I now suspect myself to be on the spectrum. I believe many in the HN community have or suspected themselves to be on a spectrum as well? It's pretty traumatizing growing up because most other kids don't think the way you do, this usually means your teachers don't think like you as well. I used to think it's purely based on the metrics of intelligence alone, but now it seems it's more to do with being on the spectrum. If you've been on the spectrum as well, what's your best advice, and what's your suggestion on managing that? I want to hear life stories and general advices, should I get a proper diagnosis?

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qazxcvbnmlp

1 hour ago

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A diagnosis can be helpful if you don't know whats going on and to connect with support. Otherwise try to avoid falling into the trap of wanting the world to cater to you because of a condition (it wont). But importantly by expecting the world to change or treat you different you become blind to the situations which naturally work better.

Theres lots of careers, jobs, etc that work well for being on the spectrum. Sometimes it can even be an advantage.

Ive seen people on all levels of the spectrum go on to have families, relationships, successful careers etc.

Realize the way you relate to the experiences as a kid will change over time.

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qazxcvbnmlp

24 minutes ago

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Building on this and replying to OP’s more specific question.

It’s an interesting situation (not just for op but for all). Sometimes autism presents challenges in someones life that are directly related to the autism and sometimes they show up as more second order things.

Re: building flash games as a child and not getting understood by piers and teachers. As a child, we (all humans) make meaning out of the world through an ego centric lens. We also rely on our caregivers and peers to help us make meaning out of emotions / situations. If you don't have that around you, a child naturally takes on an internal view of “something is wrong with me because i like coding flash games and they make fun of me for it”. Given the question, Im guessing you didn't have someone in your life that you could show those games to and have mirrored back the natural excitement you felt internally. But if you took the same child in that same situation and surrounded them with other children who liked reading encyclopedias and caregivers who knew how to support that interest, the child wouldn’t turn into an adult with a bunch of traumatizing memories.

Lots of ways people deal with this childhood trama. Some don't. Some find friends who experienced something similar, some find therapy, some grow out of it. I saw a kid who used to bully me deliver me pizza, which felt good.

There seems to be something in the autism brain that really likes to understand why things happen. Which is useful! It’s cathartic to understand how brain works and why things worked that put you here. But remember that emotional problems need to be solved at the emotional level. If you feel like a rational person without emotions, thats ok too! But it’s also an emotion! Ask question if you want me to clarify here.

As far as a concrete day to day things, this really depends on how on the spectrum you are. If its 0 - mild: my best advise is just realize that your brain works differently and thats ok. As an adult your job isn't to be someone you're not, but it is to support the inner child within you. Hold space for the grief of the life you might have had and grace for the ways in which you don't live your perfect life.